"J.C. - student stripper", (pgs. 1-5) A screenplay by Carlos David Garcia

FADE IN:

INT. MALE STRIP CLUB - NIGHT

Colored lights are FLASHING and LOUD music plays in a large, SMOKY club, which has several tables surrounding a LONG RUNWAY STAGE.Hundreds of women clutter the tables and line the walls, as tall, muscular men walk back and forth wearing bow ties with no shirt and tight black shorts.

The women are drinking and speaking loudly.SUDDENLY-All the lights turn off with the exception of one spot light on the empty runway.

D.J.

(V.O.)

Ladies... get ready to be saved from all

your troubles by this miracle worker,

he turned water into wine and tonight

he’ll make a river run between your legs.

Here he is... the one and only son of god...

JESUS!

JESUS throws open curtains and steps out onto the runway.The colored lights begin to flash wildly and TRANCE music plays loudly as all the women in the club rush towards the runway while screaming at the top of their lungs and gyrating uncontrollably.

Jesus is wearing a CROWN OF THORNS and a cloth which covers the lower half of his body. He has long blonde hair with blue eyes. Women stuff money down his cloth as he casually walks around the stage.

CUT TO:

INT. MALE STRIP CLUB - BACKSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER

Mike, a tall and fit young man is in an army uniform. He walks up to Jesus and pats him on the back as he exits the stage.

MIKE

You’re always a tough act to follow Scott.

SCOTT

(to young man)

see ya MIKE... good luck.

Scott organizes a huge wad of money as he walks away.

CUT TO:

EXT. MALE STRIP CLUB - PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

Scott is walking towards his car. He is wearing a dress coat and blue jeans. He has short hair and is wearing reading glasses.-A PHONE RINGS

Scott reaches into his coat pocket and takes out a phone.

SCOTT

Hello.

LUIS

(V.O.)

Hey...Scott, how are you?

Where are you?

SCOTT

The library, I have a huge test

on romantic literature tomorrow.

LUIS

oh...yeah I see you in the literature

section now. Can we talk a minute?

A RED MERCEDES pulls into the parking lot along side of where Scott is standing.

SCOTT

(Looking at the car)

Now’s not a good time for me Luis,

why don’t you call my secretary and

schedule an appointment for... Lets say never o’clock.

LUIS

(Opening the door to his car)

I’d kind of like to see you right now buddy.

Scott puts his phone away as Luis steps out of his car and approaches Scott.

LUIS (CONT’D)Scott... Why do you insist on working here? You could be making twice as much cash at my place.

SCOTTYour club is so close to my house, it might as well be my backyard, and despite the nature of my profession, I try to maintain as low a profile as possible.

Scott gets into his car, starts it, and opens the window.

SCOTT (CONT’D)

Besides, didn’t your place close down on charges

for soliciting prostitution?

LUIS

Only temporarily, nothing a few grand couldn’t handle

SCOTT

You’ll excuse me if I don’t come to the grand reopening.

Scott peels off, and out of the parking lot leaving Luis standing alone.

LUIS

(screaming at Scott)

There’ll be free shots!

DISSOLVE TO:

FADE IN:EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - MORNING

Scott is walking down an open hall way as he hears someone behind him whistle.

ANA

(happily)

Hey sexy!

Scott quickly turns around with a terrified look on his face.

ANA (CONT’D)

(Smiling and winking)

What have you been up to?

Scott grabs Ana violently and pulls her aside.

SCOTT

(Whispering angrily)

Why? What have you heard?

ANA

(pulling away)

What are you talking about Scott? Jesus Christ!

Scott backs away quickly and stares at Ana terrified, then looks away, leaving hurriedly.

ANA (CONT’D)

(Screaming at Scott)

What is your problem Scott!?

CUT TO:

INT COLLEGE BAR - MOMENTS LATER

Scott walks into the bar as a chime sounds. The bar is small but has a billiard table and a couple of dart boards. The bar is empty and all the stools and chairs are on top of the tables a BARTENDER is hunched over behind the bar.

BARTENDER

(still looking down)

We can’t serve until twelve.

SCOTT

How’s about a Shirley Temple?

BARTENDER

(Looks up at Scott and smiles.)

You got it.

The bartender is MIKE, the young man from the male strip club. Scott pulls down a stool from of the bar and sits down. The bartender turns his back to Scott.

SCOTT

(Reaching for his wallet.)

Better make that a double.

Mike grabs two bottles in each hand and pours them simultaneously into a tall glass until it is half full, a pink liquid from the fountain is used to fill the rest of the glass.

MIKE

(Sliding the glass towards Scott.)

One Shirley Temple. On the house.

SCOTT

Thanks MIKE!

MIKE

No problem brother... I should charge you,

knowing all the money you pulled in

last night, but I’ll take it easy on you since

your such a good customer. Speaking

of which, shouldn’t you be in class

or did you change your major to debauchery?

SCOTT

I might as well. I’ve just been

paranoid lately... I think Ana knows

what’s going on.

MIKE

No way... you're crazy, I’ve been

working out there over a year making

all types of money and no one’s ever

recognized me, then again... maybe you

should think about toning down your act just a bit.

SCOTT

(Picking up his glass)

Yeah... who asked you anyway?

Scott takes a sip of the pink concoction in front of him, he stops a moment, swallows and begins to COUGH violently.

Mike starts laughing.

SCOTT (CONT'D)

(COUGHING)

WHOA... good... really.

A chime SOUNDS as Ana walks through the door. Scott jumps out of his stool and pulls down another stool beside himself as Ana walks over.

SCOTT (CONT’D)

(Smiling at Ana)

Hey Mike, get me another Shirley Temple...

Sorry about blowing up before, it’s just

been a weird night... I mean morning.

ANA

It’s only ten o’clock

SCOTT

(taking a drink)

I know

"10 Signs You Are Dating a Stripper", Metropolis article

Lets face it; men have an inherent attraction towards promiscuous women. Not that this is a bad thing, after all we’re lust-smitten animals driven by testosterone. So it should be no surprise that it happens as often as it does. You start dating that girl who seems too good to be true; she’s sexy, confident, and always seems to have plenty of money. Well obviously she’s a stripper, but you didn’t have a clue. Now you have to suffer through months of humiliation from your friends because of that night your girlfriend gave them all “lap dances”. You have the same affliction all men share, you think with the wrong head. So as not to be caught off-guard again, here is a fail-safe checklist for all men to use, memorize it and apply it to every woman you meet.


1. She knows how to pick a pool stick. (Roll it on the table and make sure it’s straight.)
2. Always conscious of her arched back and protruding chest.
3. She’s people who know people…in fact she seems to know everyone… everywhere, and all the men she greets seem overly enthused.
4. Buys those easy access panties that untie on both sides.
5. Has an array of multi colored, 4-inch, stiletto heels and she’s always looking to buy more.
6. Pays her rent (and everything else) in singles.
7. Over tips bartenders ‘cause she knows what it’s like.
8. Drinks like an Irish soccer fan.
9. Drives the most expensive model of the most inexpensive car manufacturer like a Hyundai Tiburon.
10. Dresses like she might get tipped for just walking down the street.

Copyright ©2003 Carlos David Garcia

"The Depths of Decadence" A collection of poetry by Carlos David Garcia

Leah

At ungodly hours
customers wave dollar bills in your direction
screaming a name
you have chosen for yourself.

You are a Muse for shit, the origin of desperate
hands.On four-inch stilts, on a stagebehind the bar,
you are important
in Brazilian-cut capris,
thong, and backless top.

You escaped every contour of the Philippines dancing
around a silver pole,
wide eyes
following you back and forth.

I am in Lipstickdrinking a double Kettle-One
and cranberry, waiting for six in the morning,
to drive my drunk stripper
home.

Distractions

I'm exhausted from doing nothing
much and being a stain
in your function.
So I get busy
looking for those dopamine
gone missing.

I'll visit calm spots
and have
some secret conversation
until I resort to playing
Rush'n'Attack,
thinking one red star,
sexual domination.

Watching Hogan's Heroes,
then switching to Arkanoid
and when I lose my balls,
bang my wall against the head,
walking around until I pace a
mote around my bed.

If anyone calls...
can't compose myself
catch me while I'm arguing
with the cobwebs
and hanging from the corner of the ceiling,
watching popcorn fireworks
complaining about something...
and thinking of anything...but you.

Mannerisms

When walking under
an awkward moon,
keep your head tilted
slightly south.

Ignore the stains on the scope
and limp into the slant
of the street, careful
not to break your stride.

Keep your femurs swinging
firm off your pelvis.
Stand on your own two,
never mind any broken vertebrae.
Scratch off your left foot,
then mid step and lean into your step.
Overlook first impressions.

If you come across company
keep your line of sight
somewhat misleading.

Share some kind
of weak confidence.

Serial

Bitch
is
sand in the rain
a hole,
you watch cat play
pouts
each time.


Bitch calls, smart and makes…
Plans.
Rhythmic mope, and says…

Tone howls high-pitched
nouns.
dodge the drops;
with a fingernail
watch the dead cat puddle,
tire strikes
decay.

call smart and make
plans.
rhythmic howls;
high-pitched
nouns.

Stand in the rain and dodge the drops;
dig a hole through your face with a fingernail
while watching that dead cat lay in the puddle,
and each time a tire strikes…
a small bell rings, throwing out a hint of decay.

Bitch calls smart and makes…
plans.
In rhythmic tone, howls high-pitched
Says… late.

Copyright ©2004 Carlos David Garcia

Leah won the 2002, Florida Community College Activities Association's "Best Poem" and was originally Miambiance, issue #13, published in Miami-Dade College.